minyaliel's Xanga

Bring on tomorrow

Fri, 16 May 2008 10:44:31 GMT

It's such a long time since I even thought about this thing that I don't know where to start. I've had a very intense year. It almost feels funny to read the last two entires now because so much has changed. For one thing, I've finished the school I was attending at the time, and am now sitting at home in my PJ's just relaxing, all by myself. This feels very odd; I am used to never being alone in a place with 100 people cooped up in the same location now, so eating breakfast alone was the weirdest sensation ever. I miss my friends, and my new boyfriend. Yes, I've finally found a guy who cares about me. He's the nicest and funniest person ever, and we're so alike that we often seem to read each others' minds. It's almost spooky, but in a nice way. He's down in Oslo now, and I hope I'll be able to come and visit him soon. It was so cute - on the day of our departure he constantly held me in his arms, as if he was refusing to let go of me. Oh, in case you're wondering, no, he's not the guy I mooned about in my last posts. He got kicked out and is one of my buddies now. I met him at the train station yesterday, and he seemes to be doing relatively well, considering the circumstances.

Quite apart from that I've had a blast on the stage this year, playing in "Fame the Musical" and doing various crazy stunts in concert. I've also recorded two songs, which are now available on myspace: http://www.myspace.com/minyaliel.

I think, if I were to write about the entire year I'd be going on for ages. But seriously, even though I didn't learn anything (really, I didn't, which is a pity) I don't really regret it. It's all the people that I've met. I really love you guys. And Axel, I really, really miss you. I know I've told you so before, but I love you. *hugs and kisses*

~Min

Dingy Ol'e Cellar part I

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 08:47:40 GMT

So, we start shooting the movie yesterday. We were all pretty excited, and I had a really hard time trying to not seem all giggly and scatterbrained; keeping my hand from shaking was a project of its own... So, i spent a few hours painting the singing lady, Victoria, and then we went into a warm cellar with no air circulation and tons of equipment to shoot. For hours. I was glad that the makeup lasted that well - I was sweating all over, even though I wasn't doing a thing apart from looking and touch- ups. It's the biggest truth of showbiz manifested: if you're not in the lead, you'll probably have to prepare for a long, long wait. In case you're in the lead, be prepared to work until you feel like fainting, and then work a little more, just to be certain.

I haven't told you much about the video, have I? Well, it's for a norwegian singer/ band called Minerva (they're on myspace) and the song's called Crawl. They sort of remind me of Nightwish and Within Temptation, which are bands that I honestly never really liked. I don't mind working with Vic, though; she's a nice lady, and although I don't find her music that agreeable I still respect her work. Anyway, just being behind that cam and in the crew for once was wonderfully relaxing (at least after I knew for sure that the makeup worked and that everything was looking pretty).

I just recieved a phone call now, the crew's picking me up in a few minutes, so I'd better get going. I'll give you an update again either tonight or tomorrow morning.

An update

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:46:53 GMT

Oh man... haven't visited this place for AGES. Well, I've suddenly become a very busy lady; I've gotten the part of "Miss Sherman" in Fame the Musical. I'm still busy with school, but have also made myself noticed by my make- up skills, and have been hired to play at being a make-up artist in a new music video that's being made this weekend. I'm rather excited about that. It's a low- budget production, but even so it will be something to show off on my CV... On the downside, I missed the chance to go to auditions for music schools this year, which I think is rather sad. To compensate for this I aim at becoming enrolled in the make- up course (stage makeup and other) at NISS this autumn. I'm up to my ears in work, and I'm loving it. I've got to go now; I'm waiting for my vocal student to show up (yes, I do teach singing now as well). I promise to try and update this place, because now I might even have something exciting to write about... ;)

~Minyaliel

Ah... Xanga.. long time no see.

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 11:16:11 GMT

It's been such a long time since I've updated this thing that I almost feel ashamed. There's been an awful lot of things going on at school, and it's only now that I'm home for a few days to participate in the opera "Suor Angelica" (Puccini) that I actually have enough time and distance to write about it.

It hasn't occurred to me before that I've finally gotten a new home; a place that I call home and truly mean "home". It's not a school, it is my home, and all the other people living there are my family. Coming back to the old flat feels very awkward - I feel like a total stranger, like I don't belong here. I really miss my friends, who're all still attending school "down there". I keep thinking about them all the time, wondering what I'm missing out on. And I miss -him-... Yes, he did return, and we've grown closer. I still haven't dared to tell him that I love him, but if we're alone together again I will, because I think there's a slight chance he might feel the same, judging from his body language and behaviour. He told me he's still unkissed, a fact that really puzzles me to this day. I mean, how can anyone not want to kiss such a charming and handsome guy like himself? Anyway, I try to keep in touch with them all, which is the main reason that I reactivated my facebook account, in addition to being able to see the pictures posted there. It's fun to look back on the events that have been - the disco night when we all dressed up a la the 70's, various concerts and theme nights (people still tell me I mustn't dress up as Lucy Westenrae ever again, because it looked so creepy that several people nearly fainted when I came sneaking up on them... *giggle* Fake blood is fun...) , or just the random photos from evenings hanging around in the common areas. I can't wait to get back again.

Before doing so, I will have to get through this production. I came in there three days ago feeling like a total idiot because I had no idea what to do. Well, I knew the music alright, but everyone kept moving about and nobody could be bothered to tell me what was going on. I am truly grateful for my drama education now, because I surely would've been kicked out of the production if I hadn't already been trained to move with the group energy and read other people and how to improvise and pretend that you know exactly what you're doing. I've only been at two rehearsals on stage. The first one I screwed up totally and was pretty much only given a chance because I'd spent a lot of money on getting here by train in the first place. The second one was on the actual stage where we're performing, and went so much better; I don't think I did any huge, monumental errors at all, even in the scenes that I'd never participated in before. I think, if I met my old drama teacher now I would run up to her, hug her and kiss her feet. Without her I'd never have managed to pull this thing off. I mean, just the thought of me playing a pious nun first had me laughing my guts out and then shiver in disgust. But it works out pretty well - I don't stand out, which is a good and desirable thing for anyone in the opera chorus, while still maintaining my natural reactions (which are very spontaneous and real every time because I haven't had the time to get into a routine. I don't even know the official routine; no one's told me anything, so I try to figure it out on the way). I will take some pictures tonight in- between rehearsals, and put them up both here and on facebook for your viewing pleasure. Laugh with me. ;)

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Now playing: Naughty Zombies - Cemetery
via FoxyTunes

Yay

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:15:36 GMT

I bought myself a goldfish yesterday. He's reddish- black, small, and, because he reminds me of the cloak of a certain vampire bears the fitting name of Vlad Tepes. Teehee. I need animals around me, or I'm sure to go mad in this Christian hole.

Wish he was here

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:47:57 GMT

I'm having a really, really bad day. I spent most of yesterday evening worrying because nobody seemed to have seen him (aggh, you know, _that_ guy) since I last spoke to him. When he didn't turn up for breakfast I knew there was something wrong. Well, the administration people told us that he'd been suspended because of his frequent absense in class. The poor guy has quite a lot of trouble getting out of bed, we all knew that. Still, it felt like if someone struck me square in the face; I had a hard time keeping myself from crying then and there, but did have enough self- control to keep a straight face until I was able to bury my face in my pillow... The thought of him perhaps deciding not to return (which is a possibility) is absolutely horrible - I wish I'd dared to tell him how I feel about him earlier. I know I will have to do so if he comes back.

In half an hour I am going to sing in a school concert, too. I'm going to sing an aria about love. I am not quite sure how I am going to get through that one, or if I will be able to act convincingly happy and carefree. I will have to try, of course, and if I fail I guess it doesn't really matter much. Anyway, I really need to get going... I still have to dress up. Oh gods, I miss him already. Saturday, which is the day when he comes back, seems eons away.

Odd...

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 21:46:11 GMT

I've been thinking about something for a while now... How exactly do you know that you're in love? And how the hell do you know if the other feels the same? See, the thing is, there's this guy. He's a bit of an oddball, really, but extremely charming, gentle and, in my eyes, handsome. And I've found myself always looking for him and thinking about him. And every time I see him, I feel happy and all fuzzy somehow. He makes me laugh, and we play these little games with each other; I guess you could say it's flirting, but somehow it's also in a "we're good friends" way (usually). And then there was this party last night, arranged by the school (straight- edge, of course), with a lot of dancing and stuff. So I went, admiring everyone's effort in dressing up (it was a theme party - everyone was wearing clothes resembling fashion from the 70's), getting quite a lot of compliments myself for my upper- middleclass look, and waited for the music to get started. Finally it did, and everyone danced their feet off, including myself. I spotted my friends, Prince Charming included, dancing together in a circle, and I joined them. Eventually it all dissolved into pairs and smaller groups, and I ended up dancing with him and a few other people. Well, actually, I spent quite a lot of time dancing with Charming (aggh, that sounds so stupid, but I don't want to spell out his name without asking) that night. I guess the folks up at the mixing table noticed; they're friends too, and all of a sudden they played this Bee Gees ballad ("How deep is your love") and he asked me if he could have this dance. I accepted, couldn't help myself, and spent a few glorious minutes dancing close to him in his arms. He kept looking into my eyes, and I could feel myself melting from the inside. After some time he said he wanted to tell me something, something he'd wanted to say for a long time. Unfortunately, just as he said it there was this loud musical passage that drowned out his voice, so I couldn't hear what he said, and now I keep on wondering what it was and if it were those words that I desperately want to believe it was. And then, after the dance he smiled at me, thanked me and said some off- hand remark about not having done this for a long time and that it was fun. I just can't help wondering...

I wonder what it would be like to kiss him.

I'm so confused.

Arrgh, men.

Time to breathe

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 15:49:35 GMT

Such a long time since I've had the chance to update this thing... I don't think it's going to get any better considering my time table and internet access points. Huh. Well, right now I'm at school, sitting in the computer lab thingy (a small room filled to the brim with really old, tormentingly slow PCs that only work if they're in the mood for it). As expected, I don't miss my family at all, and find coping with things fairly easy. Gj黲ik's not more than a town, and a quite small one at that, but it's okay since Oslo's only two hours further down South. I'll post pictures and a few video clips when I sneak my laptop in here next time... (we're not allowed to unplug the 'net cables, and my wireless still won't work).

Anyway, it's a nice (but very very very Christian) place. I've met some great people whom I like to hang out with (we form a sort of "dark" counterpoint to the happy- clappy Christian people, but I think that was a more subconscious thing than what it really looks like). So we're a happy blend of the subcultures - it's me as the gothic oddball, and then an emo (he is really handsome and charming, by the way), a few metal kids and the occasional "fairly normal" people. Oh, and we're actually an amazing total of two Satanists and one ex- LaVeyan.

Well, now you know a bit, at least. I'll try to write more when I get those photos up.

Looking out of the glass house

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 23:59:50 GMT

Today, that is, the 21 July, is a day I have been waiting for for what seems like ages. My first payment from my first real job's in my account, and at this time next month I will probably sleep the sleep of someone exhausted from a long journey and a lot of getting to know people and a new city. It is strange, this thought almost manages to bring me to tears because I know it is a huge change; quite possibly I will never return to this city for good unless all should turn against me. It is strange, because through the decade I have spent in this prison, I have come to love and hate it equally, with all my heart. It is security, but compromising my own freedom; I have often felt like a bird with broken wings, unable to fly except for in my dreams. I have flown far and wide there, leaving behind myself, my torturous past and the painful present to dream about the future, of strange places and wonderful events and people. I created my own world so that my mind could escape what my body could not. I still fly on my dreams, but my dreams have grown stronger, and my wings might have healed enough for me to try and make some weak attempts to soar through the air for the first time since I can remember. When I first saw Lord of the Rings, there was one dialogue that went through my head again and again in the weeks and years that passed since I saw it, where Eowyn and Aragorn speak together in Rohan: "... I fear neither death nor pain." "What is it you fear, my lady?" "A cage... To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valour has gone beyond recall or desire." This is the exact answer I would have given to such a question. I am quite fearless, but when it comes to compromising my own freedom and individuality, I am the greatest coward in the history of this planet.

I have had questions about why I wish to go away from here so much. I have even questioned myself about it. But I think that if I stayed behind these invisible bars, they would quickly put me on a leash and slowly kill me. They almost managed to do so once, seven years ago. But I can manage a little longer; the reward will be to go home and see the golden fields swaying gently in the summer breeze framed by wild flowers once more before school starts. Oh, I feel so homesick... all I really want is to go home, to see the chestnut trees bloom in spring and pick wild apples from the trees lining the small roads in the countryside that used to be my home; to live in between all of this for ever. This longing burns and pierces my soul like a sharp needle; it has always done so, but grows stronger at certain times, and some days it becomes overwhelming. We will be leaving in eight days, and until then I must finish packing my things, both for the trip and for my stay in that school. Eight days... I do hope it will not be as painful a wait as it was last year. I hope I will be able to fly soon, because a bird with no wings is just as pitiable as a tiger without feet.

Counting down

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:57:42 GMT

I seriously can't wait to move out - I can't take this much longer. I'm on the point of a mental breakdown, and all I can do is to try and avoid my entire family. Yes, all of them. The only exception is my little brother, who seems to be the only person in my family who still is on a level of what I'd call sane (except for his panic attacks, which only occur when he's put under a lot of stress/ pressure). I wish I could just go somewhere, anywhere, a long way from here, as long as I could stay there until August. I wouldn't mind begging or singing in the streets; that's nothing to what I'm going through when my family is near (or can call me for free. It's only possible in this country. Outside, it's expensive, so they won't call). I'm counting down to the day I can reckon myself a free woman. Then I will get the hell out of here, and if I can help it, I'm never comig back to this miserable city. Ich will nach Hause...